Siouxland Observer

Master of Science

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

School Rules?

The best things about learning in the summer are the tests. There are none. Summertime reading is pleasure reading—neither academic, nor work related stuff dare interfere, ideally—and longtime readers know where to turn for that special read.

This summer, for many, Harry Potter was the summer read. For a few visitors of the Siouxland Observer, the Siouxland Fiction Fantasy section (located by clicking Sioux City Stories) held some interest. There, a few found an essay about the Iowa State Campanile. The essay is about dating and being alone, which makes summertime reading far less enjoyable when there is zero company waiting to hear about the adventure.

The Observer believes there are far too few eligible women for unmarried old guys. Thus we offer a few paragraphs of summertime fare, and a glimmer of hope from the annals of folklore.

Please note: These time-tested “cures” for the bachelor blues ARE NOT from the corn fields east of here on Highway 20. No, they come from us all, handed down through the eons, finally coming to rest on the Observer’s city desk in near mint condition. The Observer staff is grateful for the work of Linda Spencer, and her gem of a book, “Knock On Wood.”

Thus we are off with advice for old bachelors and bachelorettes, and since the men have won the toss, the observer tackles their loneliness first. To wit:

Gentlemen, roll up a clean pair of your socks before you go to bed at night. Name each sock after a lady you know, or want to marry. Put them under your pillow. Get into bed over the footboard, backward. (This way only, please!) The lady you dream about (one of the women you named your socks after) will become your wife or best friend.

For those of you going on a business trip, the next time you sleep in a strange bed alone; take the opportunity to find out which lady you will be with. On the first night before you get into bed, name each corner of the bed with a woman's name. If you dream about one of the women named, she is yours.

Ladies, take an apple, cut it in half and put all the seeds in a pan on the stove. Name each seed after a man you know. Heat the pan. The first seed to pop reveals the right man for you. A man with patience, kindness and strength.

Good luck ladies and gentlemen. May you find that special someone.